Never
by Soul Hunter
Summary: Rinoa's way of making Squall understand that she's here to stay.


You know what? Sometimes you drive me so crazy with your attitude I could just scratch you like a cat. Well, maybe not. Sorry, sometimes I'm prone to exaggerations. But that's because you're just too bloody stubborn I couldn't help feeling so annoyed.

I know what you've gone through in life. Even though I didn't have the same experience and perhaps I may never fully empathize with you, I do understand. I can only imagine what kind of repercussion an experience like that can bring to a person. You loved her dearly, so much that you relied on her entirely for almost everything. You got used to seeing her around, to holding her hand when you feel lost, and to hugging her when you're afraid. She was the girl of your life.

But all of the sudden, those puppy dog eyes that used to gaze lovingly at her suddenly found nothing else to look at except the lonely face of a vast and uncaring ocean. The world suddenly looked so huge, so immense, and so dark for you. You were left alone. Alone and hurting.

I can understand. I may never relate, but at least to some degree I can feel how you felt. Being alone sucks. Being alone was never meant to be for anyone. No one should be alone like that.

But you were.

So tell me, is that why you're being so stubborn? Is that why you keep on animating a ghost that isn't really there? Is that why your puppy dog eyes and taut lips always flash that look as though things were about to repeat and hurt you again?

Is that why you always have that question?

_You ask me if there'll come a time  
When I'll grow tired of you_

What have I always told you?

_Never my love  
Never_

That night at the SeeD ball, remember? When I first saw you, I thought you were larger than life. A bit stoic for my taste, maybe, and I have to admit I didn't like the way you seemed to avoid talking to people. Everyone's having fun and yet you just stood at that corner. Trying to be Mr. Mysterious to attract the girls, maybe? It was a bit inane but it did cross my mind. But after that, I felt there was something deeper in your effort to maintain solitude.

Then you looked at me. I didn't give it much thought, maybe you were just wondering who this strange girl was that crashed your party. But… maybe, in the back of my mind I knew there was something _there_ between us… from the start. I got curious. There was someone else in my life back then, but that didn't prevent me from trying to find out what _that_ was. That's why I asked you to dance with me.

To be honest, I've all but totally forgotten about you after that night – I went back to my own world and you did the same. I never really expected that we'd see each other again. But we did. Was it bound to happen that way? I don't know.

All I remember from that point on was recalling _that_ thing that flashed between us… and subsequently watching it grow as we spent more time together…

And next thing I know, I was wishing with dreamy eyes that there was some way I could let you know how much I liked you… and also if there was a way I could get you to tell me how you felt about me…

I still smile when I think about those things. I thought we were so blessed.

And here you are, being so incorrigible.

_You wonder if this heart of mine  
Will lose its desire for you_

What have I always whispered?

_Never my love  
Never my love_

You have always been there for me. Even before, when you tried so hard to act like you didn't care and insisted we had no future. Do you know how annoying it was to endure all those sighs of disgust and repetitive attempts to act indifferent? It nearly drove me out of my mind! At one point I even snapped and barked at you: "_Why do you have to be like that? Why?"_ I chose to run away even though I knew it would ruin the night for everyone. But I just had to run away. I couldn't bear being around you during that time. Not because of how hard your heart was, but because of how hard you were trying to pretend that you have a hard heart. There's a huge difference between the two. I couldn't blame you if the former had been true. But if you were only trying to deny your feelings for whatever reason, and in the process _torturing me_, I just had to get away. I would have slapped you silly with my shoes if I hadn't.

But the point is, despite all that, you couldn't help but show that you cared. You think I believed all that crap you said about just being there and because I'm your client and we're still under contract etc etc? I didn't. I knew you cared about me. Call me assuming, but despite your dogged efforts in insisting otherwise, it still showed in your actions. In everything you did. I think you were just so full of it for trying to pretend that you didn't care.

And… I was glad…

Despite stubbornly acting like an insensitive jerk, you were still the sweetest thing in the world for doing what you couldn't stop yourself from doing.

Call me assuming. But tell me now if that wasn't the case, that you didn't do those things because you loved me…

… And I'll tell you that I never loved you, even if that's the biggest lie I'll ever have to make.

I know what you did on the bridge.

_What makes you think love will end  
When you know that my whole life depends  
On you_

You saved my life at least three times. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. I wouldn't be in Garden if it weren't for you. I wouldn't be this happy if it weren't for you. You couldn't express how much you loved me with words, so you expressed yourself instead with actions.

Tell me then, how I could I not love you like I've never loved anything else?

You're so ridiculous for thinking that I would ever, ever wane even for just one shade.

_You say you fear I'm gonna change my mind  
And I won't require you_

You were just holding back… and I know why. And sometimes I couldn't help but just feel sorry for you. Ellone left you at a very young age, right at the height of your dependence and affection. You knew neither your father nor your mother, so Sis stood as both. You clung to her like any child would to a mother or older sister. But the important thing is she was the _most important thing_ in the world for you then. Not Matron, not Quisty, not anyone. Yes, Matron loved you like her own, but the fact remained it was to Sis you felt desperately attached to. It was all Ellone.

And she had to go suddenly. I can't claim full understanding, but I can perhaps imagine how much it hurt you. I can imagine the incredible sorrow and loneliness that you suffered, and that self-imposed hardship you went through just because you wanted to see her again. You promised you'd make it on your own, that you wouldn't need anyone's help. You believed this would have brought back Sis. It wasn't true by any stretch of the imagination, and yet you clung on to it for dear life.

I can picture what you must have looked, and all of the sudden I don't feel annoyed anymore. I feel like crying right now. I just want to hold you tight and tell you that everything's going to be all right.

So in the end, it turns out I do understand your pain. And more. I understand why you've been acting like I might just disappear suddenly, without warning. Just like Ellone.

_Never my love_

Remember?

The promise?

My request?

_Tell me, how can you think love will end  
When I've asked you to spend your whole life  
With me_

I look at you and I see the incarnation of my soul's wish, that someday someone may love me with all his heart, despite all my faults and shortcomings. I listen to your voice and hear the sweet promise only one with such devotion as you could possibly say. I lean against your chest and hear the only heart in this entire universe that beats in unison with mine.

_You ask me if there'll come a time  
When I'll grow tired of you_

You have your fears, I know. And once and for all, I'll tell you…

Thunder and lightning may pierce the sky and decimate the heavens, but my eyes will always be fixed on you.

The strongest storms and highest floods may wipe out all that stood on the earth, but I will remain standing up for you.

The sun and the moon may connive to scorch the world, but I will be here to comfort you.

Everyone you love may end up leaving, but my arms will always be around you.

I will hold you tight, tighter than I've ever held anyone or anything.

I will never turn away. I will never leave you.

_Never my love  
Never my love  
Never my love_

I will always love you, Squall.

_**Your Eternal Love,  
Rinoa**_


End file.
